Eva Pizza
by Little Jimmy
Summary: Toji and Kensuke bring a porno to shinji's. THIS FIC HAS NO ACTUAL PORN IN IT! YOU DON'T READ ANY PORN! NO NC-17!


Eva Pizza  
  
Note: This fanfic has no actual NC-17 stuff in it, (sorry hentai fans) all it is, is Shinji's, Toji's, and Kensuke's comments as they all watch a porno. (Shinji was talked into it.) None of them do anything sick and you don't get to see, well read, what they are watching. It will be rated R though to keep flames down.  
  
In Australia, there is a comedy show called 'Pizza'. It's about a couple of pizza delivery guys who get into all these hilarious adventures. Note it is not a porno ether. This fanfic is ripping off one of their episodes.  
  
NOBODY SUE ME!! I don't own any of these shows and don't mean to insult anybody, (Especially midgets)! I am not bashing anybody of any kind! Any insult was not of my creation but was on the episode of pizza! Racism sucks ass and I think we should all live in peace!  
  
I don't usually write in script form, but in works best for this fanfic.  
  
Okay, with that out of the way it's time for...  
  
Eva Pizza  
  
Shinji, Toji and Kensuke are sitting on the couch at the Katsuaragi apartment. It is after school and nobody is home except them, not even Penpen.  
  
Misato, Auska and Penpen were at court involving an incident when Misato sideswiped a Volkswagen while having a drag race with a kid on a collapsible scooter. Lucky for Shinji, he was kept back after school that day so he wasn't in the car with the others thus, not a witness. Don't worry nobody was hurt.  
  
Toji: (moaning) Oh there's nothing on TV!  
  
Kensuke: Yeah man, what can we do?  
  
Shinji: Uh... maybe we could play Monopoly?  
  
Toji and Kensuke just stare at Shinji, as if he was a complete maniac.  
  
Shinji: Okay maybe not...  
  
Silence filled the air for a few more minutes until Toji's face lit up. He had an idea, very rare.  
  
Toji: I know! We can watch a German video I brought over!  
  
Toji got up and ran into the next room, where he and Kensuke had left their school bags when they came over. He ran back into the room, and attempted to put the video into Misato's DVD player.  
  
Toji: Hey, (Tries to cram the video into that CD whaca-ma-call-it little thingy) it doesn't fit. (Tries some more.)  
  
Kensuke: Toji, it's a DVD player dumb ass.  
  
Toji: Oh...  
  
Shinji: Don't worry, I'm sure we have an old VHS somewhere...  
  
Half an hour later.  
  
After plugging in the VHS into the TV, the boys sit back down on the couch.  
  
Kensuke: I can't believe we found that in the back of the fridge...  
  
Shinji: Well, I always suspected that Misato used old car parts in her cooking, I guess she uses old VCR's instead.  
  
Toji: You were close enough.  
  
Toji presses play on the remote control and sits back on the couch.  
  
Shinji: You never told us what was that video anyway.  
  
Toji: Well it an action, (Shinji nods his head) adventure, (Shinji nods his head) porno.  
  
Shinji: PORNO? You mean as in pornographic?  
  
Toji: Well yeah.  
  
Kensuke: ALL RIGHT! (Pulls out video camera from nowhere, actually, it was in his hand the whole time.)  
  
Shinji: No way!  
  
Toji: Oh common Shinji, it's not like it's that bad!  
  
Shinji: What if we get caught?  
  
Toji: We won't! And look, the videos starting.  
  
Shinji decides to calm down and watch the 'movie'.  
  
Erotic music starts playing as the opening credits open up.  
  
Shinji: (Reading title) What does this mean, 'Grisy histy sex mesty'. Toji: It's German mate, it means 'Big hot sex master.' Oh look there's the subtitles.  
  
Music plays some more, and Shinji's eyes go wide.  
  
Shinji: AHH! WHAT IS THAT?!!  
  
Toji: Oh common Shinji, it's SEEX SASSSS!!!  
  
Kensuke: (Taping every moment) Cool...  
  
Shinji: Oh man gross, look there's a midget there, and look he's a freak midget because, look at the size of that thing on him, it's like a rocker, attached to a Minnie-Minor, turn the video off!  
  
Kensuke: (Still taping) Man you're so insensitive towards this situation, this midget, he's only human, so he's entitled to have sex.  
  
Shinji: Look now, the midget is shaving that guys beard, what is he a barber?  
  
Toji: I think it's so the chick doesn't get a rash, but that's only my opinion.  
  
Kensuke: (Annoyed) Is this hair cutting or is it porno?  
  
Toji: Check this bit out Shinji, look, look!  
  
Shinji looks at the TV for a bit, before nearly fainting.  
  
Shinji: AHH MAN! Turn the shit off!!  
  
Toji: It's cool mate isn't it?  
  
Shinji: Ahh she's got three of em! Three nipples! Gross! Turn it off!  
  
Kensuke: Cool isn't it man?  
  
Shinji: I said turn it off! It's sickening!  
  
Toji: Just wait a bit, this is the good bit I swear!  
  
On TV a man walks in carrying something.  
  
Toji: Look guys! It's the sex master! Look at that, he even has a trampoline!  
  
TV: (Trampoline) Doing!  
  
Kensuke: Hey, this might not be German, I think it's Russian. (Doing!) Because after second impact lots of gymnasts had to do other jobs to make money, and these guys must have been gold medal winners. Look at that, that's flexibility! Triple back somersault too.  
  
TV: Doing!  
  
Toji: I give that 9/10.  
  
TV: Doing! Doing! Doing! Doing, doing, doing doing doing doing doing!  
  
During this, Shinji is forcing himself to look at the TV.  
  
Toji: Look! Here comes my favourite actor, in the whole movie!  
  
Shinji: What the chick in the clown mask?  
  
Toji: (Trying to calm himself, preparing for Shinji's soon freak out) Shinji, Shinji man.  
  
Shinji: What is that?  
  
Toji: It isn't a chick man.  
  
Shinji: What is that between her legs?!  
  
Kensuke: Look see the donger on him man.  
  
Shinji: (Covers face with hands) AHHH MAN!!! TURN THE SHIT OFF NOW!!!!  
  
Toji presses stop on the remote, then rewind.  
  
Shinji: What are you doing showing me stuff like that man, I'll get nightmares!  
  
Toji: Common man I'm just trying to entertain us.  
  
Shinji: Maybe you can watch this stuff, this sick stuff, but I can't!  
  
Kensuke: Yeah, he's right, the new stuff is sick. I like pornos from the 70's and 80's, back then, they better taste with storylines good stars you know.  
  
Toji: Yeah man like those movies... um what are they called?  
  
Shinji: (Nobody is listening to him) Uh... that's not what I meant.  
  
Kensuke: Chocolate Star Wars! That's the name!  
  
Toji: YEAH! And the sequel I loved that, 'The empire strikes from the back.'  
  
Kensuke: Yeah man but out of the whole series the third one was the best, 'Return of the Semi'.  
  
Shinji: You guys! That's not what I meant! (looks at his watch) look you probably better go now anyway, Misato, Auska and Penpen will be back soon.  
  
Toji: Okay then, we better be going anyway, see ya!  
  
Kensuke: Yeah by now.  
  
Toji and Kensuke grab their bags and leave for their homes. On the way out Toji could be heard talking to Kensuke about a porno game he had on his Nintendo at home.  
  
Shinji: (Sigh) That's it. I'm going to bed and am going to try to forget about the 'movie' I just saw.  
  
Shinji got up and walked to his room. He didn't bother turn off the TV.  
  
A little later, Misato, Auska and Penpen came through the front door.  
  
Misato: (Sadly) I can't believe how much I have to pay. And all because the kid on the scooter spilled the beans.  
  
Auska sat on the couch and let out a loud sigh. Then she looked at the TV.  
  
Auska: Hey, what's a VHS doing here?  
  
Misato: (walking into the room) Hey I thought that was in the fridge, I mean, how did that get there? (Sits down on couch with Auska)  
  
To see if there was a video in the machine, Auska pressed play on the remote.  
  
Auska: (reading title) Grisy histy sex mesty?? What the?  
  
  
  
  
  
Now you know why Auska calls Shinji 'Pervert'.  
  
The End 


End file.
